The CPR of Resilience­

Resilience is the happy knack of bungy jumping through the pitfalls of life. – Andrew Fuller

As part of the Girls Talk: Raising Confident, Courageous Girls Parent Seminar series, psychologist and author Andrew Fuller delivered a ‘Building Resilience’ presentation to St Catherine’s parents on Monday evening. Andrew discussed the latest research data from Resilient Youth Australia and provided strategies to develop a more resilient mindset in children and teenagers. His presentation focussed on what he calls the ‘CPR of Resilience’. He advocates that a resilient mindset is created in schools and families where children are Connected, Protected and Respected.

Parents were reminded of the importance of maintaining family rituals, which Andrew describes as the “coat hooks upon which kids hold the memories of their childhood”. These positive associations and quality connections promote mental health. Andrew explained the developing brain and neurochemistry, including the influence of oxytocin, dopamine, adrenalin, cortisol and serotonin on mood and behaviour. Andrew believes if more parents understood this “enormous soup bowl of hormones and neurochemicals”, the road through adolescence might not be so rocky[1]. Andrew referenced what he describes in his book Tricky Teens as the two brains[2]. He advises, “We all essentially have two brains. One is the very old dinosaur brain, we call it Rex, the other part is the more evolved, genius, self-aware part which we call Albert. We all like to think our Albert should be in charge of our Rex but the opposite is true, particularly in teenagers. Their Albert-the pre-frontal cortex responsible for planning, impulse control, forethought and delayed gratification-is going through a restructure so even though they look like mini adults their brains aren’t fully developed yet. Don’t expect them to react the way you would.[2]”

Andrew spoke of the need to address increasing degrees of anxiety in modern life by instilling values and behaviours such as gratitude, forgiveness and mindfulness.

Andrew discussed the recent research by Resilient Youth Australia which has found that 25% of girls and 21% of boys feel anxious and under strain. These levels increase to 69% of girls and 36% of boys by Year 12. He impressed upon parents that it is important to reinforce to their children that they do not need to be good at everything, but to encourage them to ‘find out what you’re good at and do more of it’.

Andrew noted that emotional regulation is the greatest indicator of success in life. He emphasised the interrelationship between emotional intelligence and improved resilience, which is a major focus of the weThrive: Wellbeing @ St Catherine’s program. Our partnership with Swinburne University’s Emotional Intelligence Unit over the past four years has seen the Aristotle program delivered to several year levels, beginning with Year 1 and culminating in Year 12. Improved recognition, understanding and regulation of emotions contributes to improved resilience.

Parents were encouraged to consider the language they use with their children, with Andrew advising that instead of asking ‘why’ our children have acted in a particular way, we should ask ‘What’s going on for you?’ He reiterated the importance of ‘checking in’ and giving young people the opportunity to communicate. He also cautioned parents from using or reinforcing terms like ‘stressed’ when perhaps the term ‘worried’ may be more appropriate to the level of distress. He also suggested a way of avoiding faulty or negative thinking patterns is to encourage children to challenge ‘shark thoughts’ and to shift to ‘dolphin thoughts’, which fits well with the concept of ‘Storm Cloud Me’ and ‘Blue Sky Me’ that the Barbreck girls discuss as part of the Emotional Intelligence program.

Andrew is the author of eighteen books, including Tricky Kids, Tricky Teens, Unlocking Your Child’s Genius and Life: A Guide, which covers resilience across the lifespan. Andrew’s website provides excellent resources, including the attached ‘Resilient_Families_Parent_Handout’ handout which offers a brief quiz and strategies to build a resilient mindset.