Barbreck News W5T2
Experiencing problems in social settings is part of the learning process
Schools serve as vibrant hubs of social interaction where children engage in a myriad of social scenarios daily. From within the classroom, on the sports field, or amidst the playground bustle, interacting with various peers is commonplace.
As girls progress through their school journey, they naturally develop their social and emotional acumen at varying paces. Consequently, encountering moments of distress, frustration, or uncertainty is not uncommon.
Recognising that the acquisition of social skills and adeptness in navigating social contexts constitutes a typical aspect of a child’s maturation process is crucial. Just as learning to ride a bike involves stumbling and occasional falls before mastery, developing social skills entails trial and error, occasional misunderstandings, and moments of emotional turbulence. It is akin to the journey of mastering cycling, where one gradually gains proficiency in manoeuvering on various terrains and navigating through twists and turns.
In times of missteps, responding with compassion, empathy, and a constructive, restorative approach is paramount. Understanding that errors are inevitable for all children, it is imperative to extend the same understanding and support that one would hope for if their own child were in similar circumstances.
Parents serve as indispensable mentors in their children’s lives, akin to life coaches. Here are some invaluable insights and guidance from Mr Michael Grose, a preeminent parenting educator in Australia.
- Be empathetic first
Kids, like adults, like to vent. They will often benefit simply from having told their side of a story to a trusted source. Often, they just want their parents to understand what’s happening, so your first response should be an empathetic one. That is, your child should feel you understand them and take them seriously. “That’s awful. I’d be upset too if someone stole my lunch,” is the sort of response kids want to hear when they are genuinely upset.
- Stay calm and take your time
It’s natural as a parent to want to protect or defend your children, particularly when you think that they’ve come in for some unfair or poor treatment. Acting when you are full of emotion is not always smart as emotions make us prone to over-reaction and jumping to all sorts of possibly incorrect conclusions. Rather than getting on the phone straight away to organise a meeting at school, take your time to think through how you might assist your child. Time generally provides greater perspective, which will likely lead to a better response from you.
- Get all the facts
Getting the facts about the situation can be tricky. Kids are faulty observers and often only see one side of a story when there’s a problem with a teacher or a fellow student. They sometimes can’t see that perhaps they may have contributed inadvertently to a dispute at school, or perhaps said something that may have upset a teacher. It’s your job to help your child or young person process what happened in an incident, so that all the facts emerge, and you can fully understand their place in any problem. Keep asking questions to enable the complete story to unfold.
- Assess whether to go to school or not
Often problems can be dealt with at home, simply by talking through an issue and giving kids some common sense tips to help them cope. However, if your child has a recurring problem that he can’t solve himself, or you think adult intervention may be needed to sort out a relationship issue with a teacher or peer, then consider meeting with your child’s teacher or Year-level coordinator.
- Use the right channels if you take the issue to school
Approach the school calmly, going through the school office or directly to your child’s teacher if that is the usual protocol. If you have already established a relationship with the teacher concerned, then it’s often easier to approach them directly.
- Look for solutions rather than blame
Parent-teacher meetings usually get nowhere when either party blames the other. State the problem as you see it and view your child’s teacher as an ally, not a foe. “I’m really worried about Jeremy. He’s been acting strangely lately, and I need some help,” is the type of approach that will elicit a helpful response. Talk about your concerns and keep the discussion focused firmly on what’s best for your child. Listen to your teacher’s viewpoint, valuing a different perspective.
- Stay in touch
Be realistic with your expectations, remembering that some problems can’t be solved to your satisfaction, nor will they be resolved straight away. Be prepared to work alongside your child’s teacher over the long-term, which means maintaining communication with each other.
Parenting is easy when things are going well, but testing when your children struggle or experience difficulty. Stepping back and taking a long-term, reflective view is often the best approach when your child experiences difficulty at school.
Michael Grose
Michael Grose, Founder of Parenting Ideas. He’s the author of 10 books for parents including Thriving! and the best-selling Why First Borns Rule the World and Last Borns Want to Change It, and his latest release Spoonfed Generation: How to raise independent children. www.parentingideas.com.au
Important Calendar Dates
Wednesday 22 May – JS District Soccer & Netball Year 6
Thursday 23 May – Years 3 and 5 ACARA Testing
Friday 24 May – Ruth Langley Luncheon
Thursday 30 May – GSV Cross Country Years 5&6
Friday 31 May – Year 7 2025 Orientation 1 (9.00am to 12.00pm)
Tuesday 4 June – Open Morning & JS District Hockey
Wednesday 5 June – JS Careers Morning & JS District AFL
Thursday 6 June – PFA Years 4 to 6 Social Evening
Monday 10 June – Mid Term Break – King’s Birthday
Wednesday 19 June – JS Wellbeing Festival
Thursday 20 June – JS Music Assembly 2.00pm – NEW DATE
Thursday 20 June – End of Term 2, 3:20pm
Friday 21 June – Staff Assessment and Reporting Day – Pupil Free
