Girls’ Psychology and Culture Are on a Collision Course

Parents and community members are warmly invited to attend an Alliance of Girls’ Schools event hosted at St Catherine’s School next Thursday, commencing at 5.30pm in The Selina Yao Auditorium, St Catherine’s Junior School. As the host School for this event, our community members have been extended a courtesy invitation.

The guest speaker for the afternoon is Dr Susan Wade speaking on Perfectionism, its positive and negative definitions, possible causes, how to identify perfectionistic tendencies and the educational implications of perfectionism. I believe the presentation by Dr Wade will be of interest to parents and teachers wishing to further understand adolescent behaviours.

Flinders University psychologist Dr Tom Nehmy, who recently reviewed 700 research papers from around the world, says that perfectionism is the common risk factor that best explains the problems associated with depression, anxiety and eating disorders. “Perfectionism,” he says, “basically involves things like very black and white thinking, being extremely self-critical and having an inability to cope with pressure because of fear of failure.”

I find the work of Rachel Simmons, author of Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls, Enough As She Is and The Curse of the Good Girl: Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence, very interesting with her writing highly relevant to this issue. I was fortunate to hear Simmons speak at the National Coalition of Girls’ Schools Conference in New York in 2013. In her research, she comments that girls’ psychology and culture are on a collision course’.

During her presentation, Simmons spoke of the myth of ‘effortless perfectionism’, quoting research conducted at Princeton University revealing a dark underbelly of young women who are ‘super committed and over preparing’. The need to be smart, maintaining good grades whilst remaining well-rounded across extra-curricular activities, and accomplishing this all without any visible effort. Simmons cautioned of the constant sense of deficit that comes from the quest to be perfect and the debilitating effects of this sense that nothing is ever good enough; she described the modern-day feminist characterised by not burdening others, nor asking for help.

In the Princeton University study of its undergraduates, researchers discovered a host of psychological barriers curbing women’s campus participation and potential. Although Princeton women were enthusiastically engaged in extra-curricular and academic work, they chose jobs in organisations that kept them squarely out of the spotlight. They also made self-deprecating remarks, undersold themselves, spoke up less in class and were unlikely to put themselves up for awards or fellowships without special encouragement. The confidence of women dropped except for women athletes and, interestingly, girls who went to all girls’ schools.

Simmons believes that there is a deep mismatch in terms of what the culture is telling girls and their most vulnerable parts of their psychology. Girls are socialised at a very young age to rely heavily on feedback from others. They grow up paying increasing attention to what other people think of them and whether they are measuring up to what they interpret as the external expectations placed upon them.

The embrace of achievement over attachment is threatening not just girls’ wellness but, ironically, also their ability to succeed. Relentless success-seeking keeps girls from taking healthy risk and becoming creative, original learners.”

In the classroom, as teachers we see this notion play out with girls just wanting their teacher to “give them the answer” at the cost of their own development of their independent thinking and subsequent learning.

We have long known that as girls approach adolescence, their self-esteem declines. Psychologists call it a global “loss of voice”, a grim milestone usually reached before puberty. As young girls they might be feisty and spirited, forceful and stubborn, but as the unwritten rules of young womanhood sink in, these once fierce voices become muted or even silent. In classrooms, “this is what I think” is replaced by a halting “I am not sure if this is right”.”

Leaning on older peers as role models and mentors, allowing girls to work out what they want, their goals and dreams, providing opportunity to reflect and engage in self-care and encouraging an ability to assess perceived readiness for an activity were all strategies identified by Simmons for young women. I found this encouraging advice and was reassured that the St Catherine’s career activities focus on establishing networks of women across different ages and stages of their careers and our Student Wellbeing Program, in partnership with Swinburne University – we:Thrive proactively addresses the personal, social and emotional needs of our students and assists girls to ultimately find their voice.

As educators, we should be wary of the potential challenges for our girls and parents have an active role to play in raising teenage girls to address these challenges in regular conversations. To be considered also is the fact that healthy perfectionism could be considered one of the most valuable traits an individual can have. A perfectionist’s attention to detail, persistence, desire to excel and insistence that everyone works to their potential can only be something that adds value to all areas of life.

As such, it would also be wrong to lower the bar and encourage mediocrity in the very girls who can contribute so much. As a society, how do we reconcile unhealthy perfectionism while simultaneously bombarding them with messages encouraging them to be perfect? There is no doubt that we are obliged to examine this disposition rigorously and use our knowledge to guide our girls to be the best version of themselves authentic to them, and that they feel fulfilled and well in the lives they lead.

‘Perfectionism’
Thursday, 8 November 5.30pm-7.30pm
Selina Yao Auditorium
St Catherine’s Junior School

In conjunction with the Alliance of Girls’ Schools and Dr Susan Wade PhD, MEd(Gifted Ed), GradDipEd(Sec) Monash, BA(Hons) Melb

Refreshments will be provided.

Michelle Carroll

Mrs Michelle Carroll